So the President F*cking Hates My Lady friend | By Sue Chicken – The Gamers’ Tribune
Hi!! Sue here. This is my World Cup Semifinals preview. The title was supposed to be “So the President F*cking Hates My Girlfriend (and 10 Other Things I Want You to Know Before the World Cup Semifinals)” but we ran out of space. My bad. Thanks for reading. GO USWNT. (1) I’m back!! I was done,…

Hi!! Sue here. Right here’s my World Cup Semifinals preview. The title was once presupposed to be “So the President F*cking Hates My Lady friend (and 10 Assorted Issues I Desire You to Know Sooner than the World Cup Semifinals)” but we ran misplaced. My obnoxious. Thanks for reading. GO USWNT.


(1) I’m support!! I used to be once completed, I verbalize!! No, in truth, I SWEAR. Closing one year I broke my nostril, after which I wrote about it, after which I seriously did yelp that was once going to be it for me within the writing recreation. I retract into story telling my editor here something like, “It could truly most likely retract the President of the united states going on a loathe-stuffed Twitter spree trolling my girlfriend whereas she was once inserting American soccer, girls’s sports, equal pay, happy pleasure and TRUE LOVE on her support, without warning, scoring two majestic targets to steer Workers USA to an exhilarating victory over France and a plot within the World Cup SEMIFINALS, for me to ever even yelp about writing once more.” But I’m a girl of my note. So here I’m.

(2) To start with, I’ve gotta uncover this on the file, if it’s no longer already obvious: I’m SO happy with Megan!! And the total damn USWNT. That’s why I’m penning this text, primarily. So whereas you occur to may perchance most likely per chance produce me a desire, let’s right retract a 2d, for trusty, and like this RUN my lady’s been on?? Admire, retract away all of the “extra” stuff — and right focal point for a 2d on the soccer on my own. Two targets in opposition to Spain. Two targets in opposition to France, WHILE A GUEST IN THEIR MAISON. I desire to hit on a variety of varied matters whereas I’m here, and belief me I will — but I right yelp it’s also in truth crucial to no longer neglect what that is de facto, first and most most necessary, about, you perceive? It’s just a few global-class athlete, operating at the absolute height of her powers, on the absolute most attention-grabbing stage that there may perchance be. It’s about an athlete f*cking killing it. 

It’s about Megan coming through.

Richard Heathcote/Getty Images

(3) O.K. so now that that’s out of the model, I’ll resolution The Demand. The one who’s most likely most to your suggestions. And by that I mean: What’s it like to enjoy the literal President of the literal United States (of literal The United States) shuffle Fleshy Adolescent Boy to your girlfriend? Hmm. Smartly… it’s WEIRD. And I’d explain I in truth had an attractive fashioned response to it: which was once to freak out a diminutive little bit of. 

That’s one thing that you more or less enjoy to clutch about me and Megan: our politics are the same — after we won the WNBA title in Seattle final season, no procedure were we going to the (f*cking) White Dwelling! — but our inclinations are no longer. And as we’ve been talking through a variety of this “stuff,” as it’s been occurring to her, you perceive, I’ll be right here….. some of it scares the sh*t out of me!!

I mean, some of it is a ways more or less humorous….. but like in a REALLY? REALLY? THIS GUY??? more or less procedure. Admire, dude — there’s nothing better worrying your attention?? It’d be ridiculous to the point of laughter, if it wasn’t so defective. (And if his legislations and policies weren’t ruining the lives of so many innocent other folks.) After which what’s legitimately upsetting, I guess, is like….. the procedure it’s no longer right his tweets. Because now without warning you’ve got all these MAGA peeps getting adversarial to your mentions. And also you’ve got all these loopy blogs writing terrible things about this individual you care so out of the ordinary about. And now they’re doing takedowns of Megan on Fox News, and who is conscious of whatever else. It’s like an out-of-physique ride, in truth — that’s how I’d record it. That’s the procedure it was once for me.

But then Megan, man….. I’ll say you what. You right can no longer shake that lady. She’s going to produce her thing, at her enjoy damn tempo, to her enjoy damn rhythm, and she or he’s going to apologize to precisely NO ONE for it. So when the total Trump industrial began to shuffle down final week, I mean — the undeniable truth that Megan right seemed fully unfazed? It’s queer to speak, but that was once most likely the handiest standard thing about it. It’s no longer an act with her. It’s no longer a deflection. To me it’s more right like: Megan is at the boss stage within the video recreation of intellectual herself. She’s consistently been confident….. but that doesn’t mean she’s consistently been immune. She’s as comfortable as any individual — most likely more!! She’s right found out how one can harness that sensitivity.

And I yelp Megan’s sensitivity is what drives her to fight for others. I yelp it’s what drove her to retract a knee. The Megan you’re seeing now? It’s the stronger version of the one who knelt within the first plot. The total threats, the total criticism, the total fallout — popping out on the quite quite loads of aspect of that’s what makes her seem so unfazed by the assholes of the enviornment now. 

I yelp in attempting to encourage others, Megan has cemented who she is.

Elaine Thompson/AP Images

(four) About a 100% random and 100% unrelated facts, introduced without commentary.

Donald Trump has never invited a WNBA champion to the White Dwelling.

In 2017, when South Carolina Girls folks’s Basketball — coached by a sad lady (the yarn Break of day Staley) — won the nationwide championship, they were no longer within the origin invited to the White Dwelling.

In 2019, when Baylor Girls folks’s Basketball — coached by a white lady (also a yarn, Kim Mulkey) — won the nationwide championship, they were invited to the White Dwelling with no considerations.

Stumbled all over this cool web plot the quite quite loads of day. Are trying it out 🙂

(5) Alright….. yeah. It’s time. It’s positively time.

We Want To Discuss About Megan’s Purple Hair.

I’m truly right going to speak this out loud, and establish it the total procedure available, for the rationale that Gamers’ Tribune is a attach for honesty (plus there’s this total Atlantic Ocean between us): The hair?? I used to be once….. AGAINST it. Phew!! That felt in truth correct to speak. I used to be once in opposition to it. I design it was once too impulsive and I voted no. (LOL no longer that I in truth got a vote — our relationship through Megan’s model is in accordance with what you most likely can call a “modified democracy,” the attach we both give our design after which Megan does what she desires.)

But yeah, my feeling was once — you’re going to the World Cup!! To produce fleshy things!! And with any luck, if all goes effectively, you’re going to be memorialized in all of these pictures that would perchance be round for….. EVER! Plus, blonde hair is like — Your Signature Command!! You survey supreme blonde. We know that looks to be correct on you. Purple? Megan, are you obvious? Don’t you ponder you most likely can remorse this??

And Megan was once right, like, Nope. World Cup. Purple hair. I’m in. Let’s uncover it. She got it colored the DAY earlier than she left, without a care within the freaking world. I mean….. whereas you occur to were ever wondering what the Rapinoe Standard of living was once about….. that’s it, truly.

(Furthermore, I like it now? Now that’s it’s settled in and looks to be a diminutive little bit of more red. Don’t say Megan.)

(6) Help to the France recreation for a 2d. About a suggestions here.

One, I’m no longer obvious whereas you occur to seen — but, my girlfriend?? She shrugged off the Wrong Man on Twitter, and managed to play….. I’d explain beautiful effectively 🙂

Two, France!! They were inconceivable. I in truth hope some of them are reading this, because I right desire them to clutch that. They stayed so damn worrying, I design, through the total tournament — and that’s with the tension of web plot hosting the event, too. The procedure in which they persevered to originate it a match, slack, after getting down two targets early?? I mean, don’t uncover me depraved — I used to be once 100% on MANIAC mode, cheering for our squad. Obviously. But I aloof hated that any individual had to lose.

Three, on the advice of counsel I’d like to spot a formal apology to each person who was once on the airplane with me final week, and had to gaze me fistpump like a bozo after each and every of Megan’s targets, and smash the REFRESH button on my cell phone like a….. effectively, also a bozo, after my bars started reducing out within the 2d half.

It won’t occur once more besides let me be obvious it may perchance well most likely most likely per chance.

Brad Smith/ISI Images/Getty Images

(7) YOU GUYS: WHAT ARE PENALTY KICKS. 

No, seriously — I could perchance most likely per chance no longer take into accout taking one??????

I yelp the more I gaze soccer, and the more I gain these methods to divulge it to what I be taught about basketball, the better feel I uncover for the recreation. Admire, as an instance, as a degree guard, I in truth enjoy an attractive trusty sense of flooring-spacing….. and I yelp that finally ends up being extraordinarily relevant for soccer. I’m positively starting up to “peep the sector,” you perceive? And I’m noticing the model that plays fabricate, and stuff. (They right more or less fabricate.)

O.K. in order that’s my plus column.

My minus column? PENALTY KICKS. Admire, I guess they’re more or less like free throws? Most attention-grabbing if there was once anyone attempting to BLOCK your free throw, and likewise you had to divulge your foot (??), and oh yeah whereas you occur to passed over it you’d never forgive yourself and revel in it haunt you for the rest of your LIFE?? So what I’m announcing is it’s no longer like a free throw at all.

I don’t desire Megan to flip out to be an alien from one other planet, but I’m right going to speak the truth of how I suspect steady now: Have to you’re correct at penalty kicks, you’re a f*cking alien from one other planet.

(8) I had a long thing ready here referring to the equal pay debate. 

I used to be once planning on “making some facets” and “coming into.”

But then I design to be it some more, and to jabber you the truth….. I’m more or less completed with that.

Have to you’re no longer on the steady aspect of this fight, and advocating fiercely for equal pay — whether it’s in soccer, or basketball, or in any varied commerce, and all over every intersectional boundary — then I right straight-up feel obnoxious for you.

Since you’re sad, and depraved, and going down.

I suspect that in my bones, increasingly, over these final plenty of months — having viewed my colleagues within the W point to we mean industrial on a brand fresh CBA. 

I suspect that in my bones, increasingly, over these final couple of years — having viewed our NBA counterparts starting up (START!) to stay their necks out for us, increasingly, in solidarity and out of appreciate.

And I suspect that in my bones, increasingly, steady f*cking now — having viewed these indestructible USWNT girls stand up for themselves and (this seriously can’t be stressed passable) crack a LAWSUIT over the heads of U.S. Soccer whereas they exit and grind for a freaking World Cup.

Oh steady and they literally are MORE PROFITABLE THAN THE MEN.

COOL!!!!!!!!!

TLDR: Pay us.

(9) They instantaneous me I must aloof originate some predictions!! LOL.

Within the first semi, I’ve got these frisky lil AMERICANS taking down England, by a score of 2-Zero. I suspect like we’re vibing steady now, and the offense is de facto humming, so yeah — this one’s USA the total procedure. (QUICK NOTE ON METHODOLOGY: I could perchance most likely per chance merely enjoy right made the prediction that finally ends up in me getting a summer season time out to Paris.)

Within the 2d semi….. O.K., so, I won’t point to my sources, but I heard this major scoop that the Netherlands may perchance most likely per chance most likely be a team other folks are drowsing on?? But then I guess on the quite quite loads of hand, you furthermore mght enjoy Sweden, who thumped us within the Olympics….. in order that’s a “cool final” most likely….. I don’t know, I suspect like these groups most likely know each and every varied in truth effectively. Admire a common neighborhood crimson meat. How am I doing? Might merely aloof I retain faking it here? Let’s shuffle along with the Netherlands, 2-1.

(10) Wait let’s produce a story time. 

I’ve been lucky passable to hear just a few noble reports referring to the USWNT in my day, so I suspect like — since you’ve establish up with my decidedly non-educated World Cup semifinal preview, and been so cool about it — I owe you one amongst them here. 

I’ll truly say you my favorite.

Alright so it’s halftime of the 2015 World Cup Closing….. and obviously, whereas you occur to’re reading this, you perceive the score: four-1 U.S. Carli has her hat trick, Lauren has one, and Japan has their one. And I yelp we’re all amongst chums at this point, so let’s right be trusty: It wasn’t even THAT terminate. It was once over, dudes. World Cup? Over. Very supreme!! Event!!

Except: these world-class athletes being these world-class athletes….. there is noooooo off change in SIGHT. These girls are within the locker room at half time, and they are taking it as seriously as within the event that they were tied at one. Of us are talking device, going over plays, breaking down miscues — doing the total bit, straight up, right biz as current.

After which…..

After which there’s Megan.

She’s sitting there….. and she or he’s seeing each person gameplan, and retain their recreation-faces on, and Carry out The Widespread Halftime Command..… and she or he gets it. No doubt she gets it. But, like — aloof, you perceive?? Soundless. There’s something within her that right….. CANNOT deal. Can no longer handle the ceremony of it all. Can no longer handle the bullshit. And she tries laborious to fight it, tries to no longer claim anything….. tries to have seriously relaxed. 

But then at some point soon the girl right….. I mean….. come on.

She will be able to be able to’t encourage herself:

 “WE’RE GONNA WIN THE WORLD CUP,” she blurted out. 

“WE’RE. GONNA. WIN. THE. WORLD CUP!!! 

WE’REGONNAWINTHEF*CKINGWORLDCUP!!!

(They won the f*cking World Cup.)

And that concludes storytime.

Catherine Steenkeste/Getty Images

(eleven) So there’s this thing that I invented known as Megan Goggles.

They’re laborious to explain, but I yelp I’ve almost got it. I yelp it’s like….. O.K., so: Megan, she right does things typically. Carry out it….. then like it….. then — later, at the very discontinue, if there’s time — dread about it. That’s her M.O. Me, on the quite quite loads of hand….. I’m nothing like that. I’m more of the dread about it first….. after which later, if there’s time, produce it form. So the inspiration of Megan Goggles, I guess, it’s this design of like — they’re this thing that I establish on, and it helps me loosen up a diminutive bit?? And right open my eyes, and peep the enviornment from Megan’s Extremely Megan point of view.

And anyway, within the origin of our relationship, I yelp I’d divulge “Megan Goggles” as a create of working humorous story — after we’d be doing that thing couples produce the attach we play these almost caricature versions of ourselves. In our case: free-spirit Megan and supreme Sue. 

Except now….. I wouldn’t be so supreme!! So it would be like: 

[Megan walks into the closet with some scissors, then confidently walks out…..] 

[Sue puts on Megan Goggles…..] 

Decided, Megan! Fully let’s call that t-shirt you right decrease a gap in “a explore.” 

Or: 

[Megan suddenly decides that she needs to dye her eyebrows platinum blonde…..] 

[Sue puts on Megan Goggles…..] 

Wait, Megan, nevermind — I retract it support that it’ll survey like you produce no longer enjoy any eyebrows! And I will fully peep what you mean for these that explain, “Belief me, they’ll pop.” 

And tons others etc — and it right create of turned into this, like, shorthand ride. I’d establish on my Goggles, and I’d be on this supreme vacation….. to a plot the attach I used to be once anyone a diminutive little bit of left of my enjoy heart. The attach I used to be once anyone who thinks like Megan thinks.

After which at final I came to like the obvious: that Megan Goggles are lots bigger than some beautiful working humorous story between us, about model alternate strategies or whatever — and that they’re truly this more or less skeleton key to Megan herself. Or, establish one other procedure: After I establish on my Megan Goggles?? What I’m in truth doing, I yelp, is learning to heed her better — and, if this even makes any sense: I yelp at the identical time, I’m learning how one can heed myself better as effectively.

But wait I’ll uncover to my point. I’m bringing all this up, and attempting to explain this loopy (or I am hoping no longer that loopy!!) design, because final Friday — within the lead-up to that USWNT recreation vs. France, after which throughout the recreation itself, after which after?? 

I verbalize, it was once like the most supreme thing came about: It was once like the total nation, without warning, for this one fleeting and inconceivable but as well by hook or by crook very very very very imaginable moment….. PUT ON MEGAN GOGGLES.

It was once like the total nation, without warning, said — Soccer? YES. Girls folks’s soccer? YES. An overtly happy celeb swagging out with two targets and batsh*t celebrations and main us to a large-ass draw terminate in girls’s soccer? YES. That identical overtly happy celeb no longer right taking some preapproved, current stage of pleasure in her sexuality, but truly being the enviornment’s most attention-grabbing most kissable goofball queen and literally crediting her sexuality for these two targets and her batsh*t celebrations and our gargantuan-ass draw terminate in girls’s soccer? YES. 

Right here’s the American flag now, anyone tweeted — and it’s a photograph of my girlfriend, BEAMING ear to ear, smiling her BOOBS off on a football field, mugging for the digicam, queer-ass dye job and all — right fully and fully over-goddamn-flowing with excellence? YES.

Maddie Meyer/FIFA/Getty Images

So anyway, survey — I guess here’s my point:

I’m nearer to forty than 30. I’ve handiest been legally accredited to uncover married within the final handful of years. I’m a worrier, an overthinker, and — if it’s your selection of thing — a 3x WNBA champion.

But on Friday? It was once like for this one, supreme, fleeting, uncomplicated day….. I used to be once each person.

I used to be once cheerful.

I used to be once loopy.

I used to be once PROUD.

I used to be once pretending to clutch about soccer.

I used to be once a diminutive little bit of overwhelmed. 

I used to be once beautiful damn American.

And I used to be once in like with Megan Rapinoe.